I think about every time I write a post on this blog, I do so with honest intentions to re-develop the habit of writing regularly. And more often than not I say so. Ha. One of these times I'll get the hang of it. :)
This last week I had the lovely, but arduous, experience of attending Matt's (little bro) 6th grade "graduation", or, rather, "promotion". I attended expecting a quick, heart warming, and tender ceremony. Instead it carried an uncanny resemblance to the real graduations I've attended over the years and recently. The principal, sixth grade teachers, and a selection of the students all spoke. The names were read off in procession identical to the high school's graduation. It was closed with a slide show of the pictures taken throughout the course of the year. However, it was another aspect of the hour long ceremony that caught my attention. There was a point when four students read poems written by all of their classmates. The assignment was simple: each student was to write a poem about what they wanted to be when they grew up and why. There were poems about doctors, vets, professional athletes, actors and actresses, and just about every profession one could imagine (sorry dad but insurance agent didn't happen to be one of them ha). But the many of the reasons "why" worried me. Unfortunately, that worry was not accompanied by surprise as I feel it is very indicative of where we are as people and a society. More than half of the poems read, listed wealth as the reason. "So I can be filthy rich . . .", "Then I'll have a lot of money . . .", "I can buy anything. . ." were all common lines in the poems read. Please do not misinterpret my contentions as a naivety to the importance of financial success and stability. I hope to be successful financially, allowing me the opportunity to adequately provide for my family (the driving motivation and obvious priority) and have the ability to serve and change the world monetarily. However, what troubled me was the fact that the goals and dreams of these 11 and 12 year old kids were not driven by the love or joy of chosen career or activity, but instead by the pursuit of absolute monetary wealth. I remember, at that age, dreaming of being an NBA player, not for the huge paycheck that accompanied it but for the prospect of being the one to hit the game winning shot in the finals. I would count down in front of my house taking fade-aways and last second jumpers until I made it. :) Then consequently throwing my hands in the air in triumph, imagining the thousands of fans doing the same, sharing in that same joy. While financial benefits and advantages of various careers have taken a more central role as I have grown in maturity and education, to focus on it at such a young age would have robbed me of unfathomable happiness. It would have destroyed the hope and excitement I felt playing the game I love. Childhood is all about that joy. It is about enjoying the beauty of life while responsibilities are still small and the veil is still thin. It was so disheartening to see and hear that foundation and those principles abandoned at such a young age. However, it did give me an opportunity to reflect on what dictates our actions for better or worse.
Before saying what I hope to, allow me to first say how beautiful i believe our world is. With all, or rather despite all, of it's sham, drudgery, and corners of darkness, the world is such a beautiful place. There is so much love, charity, and hope. There are so many who do so much good. Know that I am well aware and that I am a firm believer of the overpowering and ever enduring strength of good in that battle of good vs. evil. However, there is always room to improve. We can always improve our decision making and strengthen ourselves and there are always things to say. Ha. The reflection this experience has allowed me, led me to consider all that dictates our actions and decisions.
Upon reflection, my worries are not new nor foreign, and they are quite simple. Unfortunately, however, their fruits breed unbelievable complexity. I worry about how regularly our fears, doubts, and mistakes dictate our actions and decisions.
Fear is a unbelievably powerful feeling, and at times, it can be binding. Fear of what is happening or what is to come. Unfortunately, it is all too often that we let that fear determine how we act and how we conduct ourselves. Doubt, though a different sensation, has very similar and destructive effects. Doubt is debilitating and confuses us. It breeds uncertainty we misinterpret as a signs. Both are tools used by the adversary to thwart happiness and joy, the extent of which can often only be imagined.There is a plan set forth for all of us. Heavenly Father, omnipresent and omniscient, knows precisely what we need to grow nearer to Him and to be ultimately happy, and He always provides us with what needs to happen to attain that. When we succumb to the fear and doubt levied by the adversary, when we allow fear and doubt to dictate our decisions, we, ourselves, are fighting that plan of happiness. We are allowing the adversary to own us and tear us down to misery, ultimately his goal. We choose to reject the joy provided. I worry that it is all too common that we do this. In General Conference, we were taught that we must always remember one thing: "We must remember that He knows us, loves us, and wants us to succeed and return to Him. WE MUST LEARN TO trust in His love and in His timing rather than our own" [President Samuelson]. Allowing fear and doubt to overwhelm and affect our decisions is a direct contrast to that.
It is also important to know and realize that though you may be riddled with fear and doubt it DOES NOT MAKE YOU A TERRIBLE PERSON. FEAR IS NATURAL. DOUBT IS NATURAL. AS IMPERFECT HUMAN BEINGS, THEY ARE UNAVOIDABLE. BUT WE MUST BE CONSCIOUS OF THAT SO THAT WE CAN IDENTIFY IT WHEN IT ARRIVES AND ACT ACCORDINGLY.
Another tool used by the adversary to stop our progression, growth, and maturity is guilt and hopeless outlook in regards to our mistakes. We all mistakes and it is NEVER TOO LATE to make amends and right our wrongs. NEVER. Too often we beat ourselves up and believe it's too late. It never is! To think so only compounds whatever problem you are facing.
To combat these tools and uncertainties, Heavenly Father has promised us that His answers are simple. They are clear. They bring ultimate happiness and always help us grow and mature. Keeping that in mind, and being conscious of the fear and doubt that will come, we can continue to grow with one another without digression.
I guess one may consider this a "call to arms" of sorts. What decisions can we make better? What decisions can we change and improve? We ALL can and need to improve. Trust in the Lord. Let Him bless our lives without our interference. Do not allow fear and doubt to take place in your heart or your mind and tamper with your progression. I have committed myself to allow those blessings in my life to have their intended impact and place. To love fully without fear. To strive to be the best I can without fear or doubt of the future. I am doing my best and hope to continue to improve. :) You all should do the same! ;)
LIVE.LOVE.LAUGH.
