Merry Christmas To ALL!! :)

Those familiar with me are unavoidably aware of my near obsession with this time of the year! :) I look forward to it all year long. I try to emulate its spirit throughout the year as well. I may even be prone to POSSIBLY celebrating it a little early as well. Haha

I love the extroverted nature of the season. People seem so willing to look outward to help others maintain the level of joy that accompanies the holidays. I know I am not entirely alone in finding more joy giving presents than I do receiving them. [That is not to say that I do not enjoy receiving them too! ;)]

I believe the reason most are so eager to serve, whether or not they are conscious of it, is the centrality of Christ's birth and subsequent life during the holiday season. My testimony of the Savior swells during this time of the year, as it comes to a close. I am provided with many opportunities to reflect on the role He plays in my daily life. I have the opportunity to understand, however slightly, the role He plays in my exaltation. I love my Savior. He is my Redeemer. He is my exemplar. He is my best friend. And I absolutely love the opportunity to express my gratitude through service. It is an opportunity that should not be unique to this time of the year.

I love the centrality of family at the holidays as well. In the Survivor Finale, Coach said something to the tune of "If we don't have family, we don't have anything". Family plays a central role in everyone's life, whether good or bad, immediate or adopted. The time devoted to and available for family offers me unfathomable strength and joy.

I love the opportunity the season provides for reflection (see below). Whether prompted by the close of the year, or the humility of the holiday season, moments of self-reflection are common occurance at this time of year. Have I been honest in my dealings? Have I treated everyone fairly? Am I proud of how I have treated those in my life? Have I approached every moment and obstacle with my absolute and utmost best? Those moments are vital to growth! :)

I love the carols. I love the cookies. I love the excitement of Santa and Rudolf on Christmas Eve. I love the sociality. I love Christmas Eve dinner and waking up in the wee hours of Christmas morning. I love the tree and the lights. I love the smiles. I love the love. I love every aspect of Christmas time. It is only fitting that a holiday entirely devoted to a celebration of the Savior's birth can be cherished so much.

There are so many aspects of Christmas time that I absolutely love; far too many to write with hopes of retaining any ounce of your attention. So "I love it all" will have to suffice! I love Christmas and especially loves all of those [family and friends] who are a part of the season and a part of me. I am so unbelievably blessed. Thank you :)

Merry Christmas!!!!!!

LIVE.LOVE.LAUGH.

Subject of my Self-Reflection

I approach sharing this self-reflection and general observation with caution as I am aware just how frequently and regularly such reflections can be misinterpreted as pessimism and negativity. I could not disagree more. One of my favorite quotes, from Elbert Hubbard, is “To avoid criticism: Do nothing, say nothing, be nothing”. I firmly believe general optimism is not simple, blind bliss, but rather an honest evaluation of and approach to how things are, where they can improve, and how they can be. This reflection and observation, reflobservation, we’ll call it, is focused on an aspect of the centrality of human potential. It focuses on the vast potential that complete individuality provides us with.

One’s approach to life is undoubtedly unique and is the framework for their general outlook on life itself. Our approach almost entirely determines out outlook and, consequently, our reactions. Everyone faces trials and times of struggle. Although very different in nature, everyone deals with unique and personal tribulations. “Everyone has battle scars”. Some are the result of unfortunate circumstances, some are self-induced, and many are unfortunately the result of other people’s actions.

This reflobservation is centered on the regularity with which we bring trials upon ourselves, and maybe more unfortunately, upon others as a consequence of our lack of optimizing individuality FREELY. I firmly believe that we induce such pain on ourselves, and on others, due to significantly self-induced paradigm paralysis. That is to say, we get so caught up and overwhelmed by “what and how things are supposed to happen”, “what we are supposed to do”, and “how we are supposed to act”. Unfortunately, that can hide “what can happen”, “what we can do”, and “how we can act”. Paradigm paralysis occurs when we allow filters of perceived parameters [a paradigm] to hinder our development or individuality.

The vast majority of those paradigms are determined well before actual relevant events. They are rarely determined independent of exterior pressures and, again, independent of the professed limitations society wrongly applies. All too often we are who we are told we are, and rarely are we told accurately. The second we limit ourselves, or allow others to do so, we forfeit the right we innately have to realize our full potential, and consequently, positively affect others with it.

Growing up, we are told what is supposed to happen. We are told who we are supposed to be and the necessity of never deviating from that. I do not want to discredit any of that in the slightest. The direction I received from a young age has been paramount in my development. However, we are told how the smaller things in life are supposed to go. We are told how a relationship is supposed to unfold. Coupled with a lack of communication, I think that is the most debilitating aspect of a relationship. We have in our minds how a relationship will start, play out, and where it will lead. We have pre-determined in our minds who that person will be. What they will be like and what they like to do. When we choose to apply those restrictions to every situation, I wonder, how often do we choose to forgo greatness? My guess is far more than we should.

The same idea applies to what we do how we act. We are fed information about both on a continual basis. All of these labels and limitations prohibit us from expanding our horizons. It hinders our abilities to grow, develop, and begin to see the endless potential we ALL truly have.

The most overlooked part of all three is our tendency to develop our own paradigms and inhibit our own progression. If something is not how and what we think it should be or was going to be, we have a habitual tendency to completely write it off. We sometimes are our future self’s worst enemy.

I am fond of Marianne Williamson’s take: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

BE YOURSELF! But don’t keep yourself from becoming a new and improved version of yourself. That growth is vital to our development. Step outside your box and try something new, or a new approach. It may be what leads you to finding that greatness, and realizing that potential. J

LIVE.LOVE.LAUGH. 

Smile!

As I've mentioned, I am terrible about writing on this frequently. I've also noticed, reading through my posts, that many of them are an attempt to explain my erratic and often deep train of thought. Ha. For all I know, I am the only one who understands them!! Tonight's is something simple and fun that has been on my mind a bit lately.

SMILE!

I think it is pretty safe to say there isn't much a smile can't do! :) Having interacted with a bunch of different people, personalities, and situations that seems to be the only constant. When I am down a smile instinctively cheers me up. When others are down one from a friend does the same. It is hard to explain the power and joy a smile carries with it. [I guess the latter part is kind of self-explanitory. Haha]. When I get lost in struggles . . . when I begin to focus on disappointments in myself and others . . . I make a concentrated effort to remember how many reasons I have to smile! They are endless! As I do a smile creeps across my face and I am blessed with strength. Keep an eye on me if you're with me when I may struggle. I'm sure it is pretty comical. Haha.

I am so unbelievably blessed! I have the best family, related and not, in the world! Love them so dearly and can't help but smile just thinking about them! I have been fortunate enough to have been given so many opportunities and talents to bless my life and the lives of those around me. Again, smiles! :) I am surrounded by the GREATEST friends anyone could possibly ask for. The greatness with which I am surrounded constantly amazes me! Smiles, smiles, smiles. =D

There is ALWAYS reason to smile, however hard it may be to see at times. Next time the going gets rough, get smiling! [I may have changed that quote a bit. Ha]. I love smilling, and love nothing more than seeing people smile. It is beautiful! =D

They showed me this at the MTC and it is FANTASTIC! =D

Do it!! Smile! The world is a wonderful place made better when everyone is smiling! LOVE IT!

LIVE.LOVE.LAUGH

I'm back. ;)

I think about every time I write a post on this blog, I do so with honest intentions to re-develop the habit of writing regularly. And more often than not I say so. Ha. One of these times I'll get the hang of it. :)

This last week I had the lovely, but arduous, experience of attending Matt's (little bro) 6th grade "graduation", or, rather, "promotion". I attended expecting a quick, heart warming, and tender ceremony. Instead it carried an uncanny resemblance to the real graduations I've attended over the years and recently. The principal, sixth grade teachers, and a selection of the students all spoke. The names were read off in procession identical to the high school's graduation. It was closed with a slide show of the pictures taken throughout the course of the year. However, it was another aspect of the hour long ceremony that caught my attention. There was a point when four students read poems written by all of their classmates. The assignment was simple: each student was to write a poem about what they wanted to be when they grew up and why. There were poems about doctors, vets, professional athletes, actors and actresses, and just about every profession one could imagine (sorry dad but insurance agent didn't happen to be one of them ha). But the many of the reasons "why" worried me. Unfortunately, that worry was not accompanied by surprise as I feel it is very indicative of where we are as people and a society. More than half of the poems read, listed wealth as the reason. "So I can be filthy rich . . .", "Then I'll have a lot of money . . .", "I can buy anything. . ." were all common lines in the poems read.  Please do not misinterpret my contentions as a naivety to the importance of financial success and stability. I hope to be successful financially, allowing me the opportunity to adequately provide for my family (the driving motivation and obvious priority) and have the ability to serve and change the world monetarily. However, what troubled me was the fact that the goals and dreams of these 11 and 12 year old kids were not driven by the love or joy of chosen career or activity, but instead by the pursuit of absolute monetary wealth. I remember, at that age, dreaming of being an NBA player, not for the huge paycheck that accompanied it but for the prospect of being the one to hit the game winning shot in the finals. I would count down in front of my house taking fade-aways and last second jumpers until I made it. :) Then consequently throwing my hands in the air in triumph, imagining the thousands of fans doing the same, sharing in that same joy. While financial benefits and advantages of various careers have taken a more central role as I have grown in maturity and education, to focus on it at such a young age would have robbed me of unfathomable happiness. It would have destroyed the hope and excitement I felt playing the game I love. Childhood is all about that joy. It is about enjoying the beauty of life while responsibilities are still small and the veil is still thin. It was so disheartening to see and hear that foundation and those principles abandoned at such a young age. However, it did give me an opportunity to reflect on what dictates our actions for better or worse. 

Before saying what I hope to, allow me to first say how beautiful i believe our world is. With all, or rather despite all, of it's sham, drudgery, and corners of darkness, the world is such a beautiful place. There is so much love, charity, and hope. There are so many who do so much good. Know that I am well aware and that I am a firm believer of the overpowering and ever enduring strength of good in that battle of good vs. evil. However, there is always room to improve. We can always improve our decision making and strengthen ourselves and there are always things to say. Ha. The reflection this experience has allowed me, led me to consider all that dictates our actions and decisions.

Upon reflection, my worries are not new nor foreign, and they are quite simple. Unfortunately, however, their fruits breed unbelievable complexity. I worry about how regularly our fears, doubts, and mistakes dictate our actions and decisions.

Fear is a unbelievably powerful feeling, and at times, it can be binding. Fear of what is happening or what is to come. Unfortunately, it is all too often that we let that fear determine how we act and how we conduct ourselves. Doubt, though a different sensation, has very similar and destructive effects. Doubt is debilitating and confuses us. It breeds uncertainty we misinterpret as a signs. Both are tools used by the adversary to thwart happiness and joy, the extent of which can often only be imagined.There is a plan set forth for all of us. Heavenly Father, omnipresent and omniscient, knows precisely what we need to grow nearer to Him and to be ultimately happy, and He always provides us with what needs to happen to attain that. When we succumb to the fear and doubt levied by the adversary, when we allow fear and doubt to dictate our decisions, we, ourselves, are fighting that plan of happiness. We are allowing the adversary to own us and tear us down to misery, ultimately his goal. We choose to reject the joy provided. I worry that it is all too common that we do this. In General Conference, we were taught that we must always remember one thing: "We must remember that He knows us, loves us, and wants us to succeed and return to Him. WE MUST LEARN TO trust in His love and in His timing rather than our own" [President Samuelson]. Allowing fear and doubt to overwhelm and affect our decisions is a direct contrast to that.

It is also important to know and realize that though you may be riddled with fear and doubt it DOES NOT MAKE YOU A TERRIBLE PERSON. FEAR IS NATURAL. DOUBT IS NATURAL. AS IMPERFECT HUMAN BEINGS, THEY ARE UNAVOIDABLE. BUT WE MUST BE CONSCIOUS OF THAT SO THAT WE CAN IDENTIFY IT WHEN IT ARRIVES AND ACT ACCORDINGLY.

Another tool used by the adversary to stop our progression, growth, and maturity is guilt and hopeless outlook in regards to our mistakes. We all mistakes and it is NEVER TOO LATE to make amends and right our wrongs. NEVER. Too often we beat ourselves up and believe it's too late. It never is! To think so only compounds whatever problem you are facing. 

To combat these tools and uncertainties, Heavenly Father has promised us that His answers are simple. They are clear. They bring ultimate happiness and always help us grow and mature. Keeping that in mind, and being conscious of the fear and doubt that will come, we can continue to grow with one another without digression. 

I guess one may consider this a "call to arms" of sorts. What decisions can we make better? What decisions can we change and improve? We ALL can and need to improve. Trust in the Lord. Let Him bless our lives without our interference. Do not allow fear and doubt to take place in your heart or your mind and tamper with your progression. I have committed myself to allow those blessings in my life to have their intended impact and place. To love fully without fear. To strive to be the best I can without fear or doubt of the future. I am doing my best and hope to continue to improve. :) You all should do the same! ;)

LIVE.LOVE.LAUGH.

Senior Poetry Project

So we were cleaning out the garage and I found my Senior year Poetry Project. And I found this little gem that I wrote my senior year.

The Mold

What is wrong with me?
What is wrong with you?
I think I may know, I'll give you a clue,
It is most likely, the mold by which we
judge so frequently.

I am not beautiful,
You can't play ball.
I am not an angel,
You're not very tall.

We are obviously not the same,
Yet we are judged on one scale.
Popularity has become a game,
A game at which no one can prevail.

What is wrong with me?
What is wrong with you?
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!
What is wrong with society?

Made me think a bit! :)

There is beauty all around . . .

Taken by a pro! :)

LIVE.LOVE.LAUGH.

I'm Back!

I'm back! . . . Again. Haha. It has been some time since I have written on this blog and I apologize for that. I was thinking a lot about my favorite quote the last bit and just started writing. :) Having said that, it may very well make sense to only me. If that's the case, just smile and pretend like it makes perfect sense. ;) Haha

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." [Marianne Williamson]

In her well-known quote, Marianne Williamson provides the substance for one of the most pressing questions we must ask ourselves, a question that provides an unparalleled opportunity for self-evaluation and self-realization. Why do we ALL, to an extent, fear success so fervently? Why do we fear worthy and righteous power? Why do we fear HAPPINESS?! I know even the thought of such habits sounds enormously ridiculous, but is it? Unfortunately I think those questions hit the nail on the head, so to speak. Take a moment to reflect and realize how often we plague ourselves with it. When have you limited yourself because of the uncertainty that success or happiness brings? When have you inhibited your happiness because of assumptions you have made.

We are SO richly blessed with everything we need to be happy. Ideally speaking, everyone should enjoy a state of happiness at all times. However, we make unfounded assumptions, we over analyze, we refuse those blessings of happiness, and we convince ourselves that we are undeserving of such happiness or that it is "not right". We couldn't be further from the truth.

Upon real reflection, our habitual inhibition severely lacks reason and foundation. I will never understand how we can limit our progression and happiness based upon what we convince ourselves as "reason to reject it" as opposed to embracing the natural truth of it's power. Or why we do it, for that matter. It is a direct contradiction to its purpose. That is to say, we are blessed with people, opportunities, and experiences that are tailored to facilitating our complete happiness. Our Father in Heaven knows us, knows what we need, knows where we are going, and consequently blesses us with what we need, ultimately providing us with that fundamental and everlasting happiness. To push away or not fully realize the power of those relationships and opportunities does not only constrict our happiness but also inhibits the power our Heavenly Father so readily blesses us with, does it not? The future is in best when in his hands.

"To fear the future and, consequently, inhibit our progression is not to condemn the future but instead to condemn ourselves". (Victor Hugo, “Les Mis”)

Instead, we can resolve to maximize our happiness by enjoying what Heavenly Father blesses us with. To develop the relationships he gives us opportunity to establish, to achieve all we are capable (a realization of our truly endless capabilities), to do everything to the best of our abilities, not leaving any heaven-sent opportunity unfulfilled, and to accept the happiness that is possible. It is not only a blessing, but a responsibility.

We are provided with what brings us ultimate happiness. Do NOT fear that! Do NOT inhibit it's ability because of the fear of what it means or entails. Heavenly Father’s infinite wisdom knows the impact far better then we do. It is why he has blessed us with what he has. "We are all meant to shine as children do . . . It's in everyone". Shine! Don't fear your own happiness . . . embrace it! Our potential for happiness and possibilities are as endless as the stars.  Be happy! :)